and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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