The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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