He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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