This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
