my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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