so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
