idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
