Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
