I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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