Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
