Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
