Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
