We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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