maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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