we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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