I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
