Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
