I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
