And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
