i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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