I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Floor bacon is actually really good
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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