A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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