I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
