Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
