can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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