i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
