it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
