I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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