Non-Jews are for practice
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
