Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
