it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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