I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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