my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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