I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
