Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
