Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
