and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
