So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
