Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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