Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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