Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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