I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have tasted many bathrooms
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
