I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
