could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
