Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
