Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
