It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
