Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
