Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
