the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize