Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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