dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
