After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
