I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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