i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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