Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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