but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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