You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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