I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
