So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
