just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
