Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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