Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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