lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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